Break ups are hard and often uncomfortable but sometimes totally necessary. So recently I sent that text saying I’m sorry but this just isn’t working out, its not me its you, however not to my boyfriend but my therapist; you see we had what can only be described as a complex and secret relationship (you know what they say secrecy adds to the excitement). But I decided enough was enough, this could, granted be one of the worst life decisions I have ever made (I have always said that i shouldn’t be able to make my own decisions) and send me plummeting into a deep depression, but hey whats life without a little risk, right?
I decided that I was going to be riding solo a few weeks ago, bearing in mind I was not in truth wholly sober when I pressed the send button to that text, and fair enough to say I was wandering if the pounding sensation in my head was pure, unrefrained regret or, just a sever case of hangover; I am going to conclude with the latter, as even walking down the alcohol aisle makes me feel hungover.
Although as many relationships go, mine and my therapists was lets use the adjective turbulent, he would say stop being crazy, and I would do something even more insane, but it was still difficult. This is someone who had been a huge part of my support network, who I had when I was possibly in such a dark and terrifying space he almost knew me better than I knew myself, but I did it. Not with courage I will admit I mean sending a text come on really!! its almost as bad as getting your friend to breakup with him for you. But it was a step into the unknown and a new direction, and I must admit it felt liberating I guess, as it always does, to be lost in the right direction.